![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
It makes me wonder what might have been
Sep. 24th, 2002 10:58 amHow differently might I have turned out had we not been strangers? How differently might you have seen the world if you had my eyes to look through when you needed them?
I don't know what this is. I'm not ready, as yet, to say that I love you, for I just met you. But I harbor deep affection for you, and I'm not used to caring about people I don't know yet. What I can tell you is that because I know who you are, and who you are to me, there is little I would not do for you if you needed my help.
I was so afraid that I would scare you away. But I underestimated you. You are too much like me to be so easily deterred by my idiosyncrasies.
I want to know you better. I want us to have the kind of relationship we might have had had things been different, though I know that will likely never happen. But I nonetheless do want to become the brother I never got the chance to be.
I spent my entire life telling people that I was an only child, though I knew that it was not the truth. I never dreamed that I would have the chance to meet you face to face. Now that I have, I can't help but wonder at the man I might be today had I a big sister to talk to and confide in, to tease and annoy at times, to care for and share with at other times. How many needless scars that I carry today might not have made their home on my soul, if only I had had you to share my pain with.
As I sit here, looking at the pictures of your family that you gave me, looking at your smiling children, I realize that I am an uncle. Uncle Rik. With two amazingly beautiful nieces and a year-old nephew that already looks like he will grow into a handsome, strong man. I can only hope that one day I will be able to meet them.
There is so much more that I want to say, but don't know how. These are emotions I've never had before. I know that I want to see you again, though it might be years before that can happen. I feel as though I have been given a rare and beautiful gift, and then told that I can only see it every few years, if that. I know that this circumstance is in no way your fault or mine, but it nevertheless seems unfair to both of us. Maybe one day we will be able to see each other freely. I look forward to that time.
I don't know what this is. I'm not ready, as yet, to say that I love you, for I just met you. But I harbor deep affection for you, and I'm not used to caring about people I don't know yet. What I can tell you is that because I know who you are, and who you are to me, there is little I would not do for you if you needed my help.
I was so afraid that I would scare you away. But I underestimated you. You are too much like me to be so easily deterred by my idiosyncrasies.
I want to know you better. I want us to have the kind of relationship we might have had had things been different, though I know that will likely never happen. But I nonetheless do want to become the brother I never got the chance to be.
I spent my entire life telling people that I was an only child, though I knew that it was not the truth. I never dreamed that I would have the chance to meet you face to face. Now that I have, I can't help but wonder at the man I might be today had I a big sister to talk to and confide in, to tease and annoy at times, to care for and share with at other times. How many needless scars that I carry today might not have made their home on my soul, if only I had had you to share my pain with.
As I sit here, looking at the pictures of your family that you gave me, looking at your smiling children, I realize that I am an uncle. Uncle Rik. With two amazingly beautiful nieces and a year-old nephew that already looks like he will grow into a handsome, strong man. I can only hope that one day I will be able to meet them.
There is so much more that I want to say, but don't know how. These are emotions I've never had before. I know that I want to see you again, though it might be years before that can happen. I feel as though I have been given a rare and beautiful gift, and then told that I can only see it every few years, if that. I know that this circumstance is in no way your fault or mine, but it nevertheless seems unfair to both of us. Maybe one day we will be able to see each other freely. I look forward to that time.
