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Jun. 16th, 2005 07:25 pmI find it odd how everyone seems to want to be more 'different' than they already are. Difficult to understand, it is. I mean, if you look at any two people in a given situation you will find a host of differences between them -- perhaps not the things that they might want to be different, but there are nonetheless variations. And they can be anything. A freckle. A viewpoint. A belief. Eye color. Anything.
But there it is. Many, many people profess their contempt for conformity. I myself have espoused this very sentiment. And yet, what effort have I put toward the endeavor of being unique? Well, the reasoning is this: if I deliberately try to be different from a thing, I am then allowing it to define me -- albeit in a negative sense. Therefore, I put forth no effort to the goal of being different, ostensibly eschewing the entire vicious cycle.
As I re-read this rationale displayed on the screen in front of me, all spelled out and clearly defined, it looks to me like nothing so much as a self-fulfilling excuse for apathy.
I am already different. There are many ways, yes, in which I am very similar to others. Traits I exhibit that in others I find abhorrent. The fact that I find the same traits equally abhorrent in myself notwithstanding, I can and do viciously diagnosticate them in others. Perhaps I do this to offset such vitriolic scrutiny from myself? That seems likely. But the fact remains that this particular set of flaws and foibles is unique unto myself, and none other. This doesn't mean that I particularly like it, but it does mean that when i searingly attack such habits and tendencies in those that surround me, I am most likely directing the loathing that I hold for myself at the nearest available external target.
Is this, in itself, a desirable tendency? Not by my standards.
Is it acceptable? It must be, if I have indulged in it for so long and with such relish.
Do I wish to continue to render it acceptable? No.
Will I?
...this remains to be seen.
But there it is. Many, many people profess their contempt for conformity. I myself have espoused this very sentiment. And yet, what effort have I put toward the endeavor of being unique? Well, the reasoning is this: if I deliberately try to be different from a thing, I am then allowing it to define me -- albeit in a negative sense. Therefore, I put forth no effort to the goal of being different, ostensibly eschewing the entire vicious cycle.
As I re-read this rationale displayed on the screen in front of me, all spelled out and clearly defined, it looks to me like nothing so much as a self-fulfilling excuse for apathy.
I am already different. There are many ways, yes, in which I am very similar to others. Traits I exhibit that in others I find abhorrent. The fact that I find the same traits equally abhorrent in myself notwithstanding, I can and do viciously diagnosticate them in others. Perhaps I do this to offset such vitriolic scrutiny from myself? That seems likely. But the fact remains that this particular set of flaws and foibles is unique unto myself, and none other. This doesn't mean that I particularly like it, but it does mean that when i searingly attack such habits and tendencies in those that surround me, I am most likely directing the loathing that I hold for myself at the nearest available external target.
Is this, in itself, a desirable tendency? Not by my standards.
Is it acceptable? It must be, if I have indulged in it for so long and with such relish.
Do I wish to continue to render it acceptable? No.
Will I?
...this remains to be seen.
