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alchemystic"It would be," thought he to himself, "so very easy to just stop here."
"Perhaps," came the reply, "but what of all your work until this day? Your dreams, your sacrifices? Are you willing to renounce them all and render them futile?"
"Who is to say that they are not already futile?" he sneered inwardly. "All that my dreams have done until this day is give me something to rail against myself about for not having achieved them. And while I waste my efforts in this painful and vain endeavor, the one dearest to me suffers. Yes, let me certainly retain my foolish dreams so that I may drive the self-esteem of my beloved wife into the dirt! How self-centered a man I have become."
"But do you not harbor these dreams for the benefit of that very woman?"
"A lie to myself and to her, as I have admitted inwardly numerous times. I harbor such childish fantasies for the sole reason of self-validation through their unlikely fruition. I tell myself that it is all for my wife (and indeed, I do want to give the very best of everything to her), but the truth is that I wanted these dreams to come true long before I met her. It was less sinful of me then, for I had only my own poverty and misery to dwell on should I fail, as I was almost certain I might. But now, I've the love and welfare of a beautiful, wonderful woman entrusted to me, and for some reason I sit here still, selfishly dreaming petty dreams of success in my own idiom. Were I a better man, I'd have accepted my lot long ago and ceased to torture her with my pitiful self-deprecations."
"You're being too hard on yourself. Many have unfulfilled dreams that they cling to throughout their lives."
"Yes, and they kill themselves over it, or drive themselves mad. I want neither of these fortunes to be my own, so perhaps it would be best to just stop...here."
"Maybe. But you're not going to stop, are you? I know you too well. You may say these things to yourself every now and then, but you don't have it in you to give up on your dream."
"Perhaps you're right. And when I'm on my deathbed, measuring my life by the time spent in pursuit of an infantile fantasy rather than in the enrichment of my beloved's life and the pursuit of her happiness, perhaps then I will finally become a wise man and realize my true failures. Of course, by then it will be too late to do anything but apologize to her, like a man who has spent his life as a fool."
"..."
"Perhaps," came the reply, "but what of all your work until this day? Your dreams, your sacrifices? Are you willing to renounce them all and render them futile?"
"Who is to say that they are not already futile?" he sneered inwardly. "All that my dreams have done until this day is give me something to rail against myself about for not having achieved them. And while I waste my efforts in this painful and vain endeavor, the one dearest to me suffers. Yes, let me certainly retain my foolish dreams so that I may drive the self-esteem of my beloved wife into the dirt! How self-centered a man I have become."
"But do you not harbor these dreams for the benefit of that very woman?"
"A lie to myself and to her, as I have admitted inwardly numerous times. I harbor such childish fantasies for the sole reason of self-validation through their unlikely fruition. I tell myself that it is all for my wife (and indeed, I do want to give the very best of everything to her), but the truth is that I wanted these dreams to come true long before I met her. It was less sinful of me then, for I had only my own poverty and misery to dwell on should I fail, as I was almost certain I might. But now, I've the love and welfare of a beautiful, wonderful woman entrusted to me, and for some reason I sit here still, selfishly dreaming petty dreams of success in my own idiom. Were I a better man, I'd have accepted my lot long ago and ceased to torture her with my pitiful self-deprecations."
"You're being too hard on yourself. Many have unfulfilled dreams that they cling to throughout their lives."
"Yes, and they kill themselves over it, or drive themselves mad. I want neither of these fortunes to be my own, so perhaps it would be best to just stop...here."
"Maybe. But you're not going to stop, are you? I know you too well. You may say these things to yourself every now and then, but you don't have it in you to give up on your dream."
"Perhaps you're right. And when I'm on my deathbed, measuring my life by the time spent in pursuit of an infantile fantasy rather than in the enrichment of my beloved's life and the pursuit of her happiness, perhaps then I will finally become a wise man and realize my true failures. Of course, by then it will be too late to do anything but apologize to her, like a man who has spent his life as a fool."
"..."
